First Trimester

Radically relying on your body

Being pregnant invites you into presence - every moment. Because your physical center is suddenly occupied with a lot of activity and a consciousness making itself visible more and more as the days pass. And if you are like me and get hit by all possible first trimester symptoms you cannot ignore them. I have been nauseous for 9 weeks straight most of the day, tired, breast tenderness, and my sense of smell has created radical actions which led me to even shifting house and location. Not only could I not smell any cooking, but also I started rejecting the smell of myself as well as my partner Martin (prior I loooved his smell). We started sleeping separately as I was looking after my nourishment and pleasure. When I shifted locations the nausea slowly subsided and so did my aversion for smells. I noticed that when I was allowing the nausea to be I felt emotional fear and that it was a sign of my nervous system and body that action towards nourishment and change was needed. The moment I took care of my situation and created the most nourishing, silent, in nature, free of people and noises environment my symptoms subsided dramatically. It allowed me to relax more and I became closer to myself (feeling my sadness more consciously) and to the experience of BEing pregnant. Another useful act has been to radically take myself to bed when my physical body says so. The distinction opened a field in a Feelings Practitioner clinic where almost everyone started laying down.

For the second time I have consciously conceived a child.

The first child I conceived with my partner Martin in June 2025 in Switzerland and 6.5 weeks later I miscarried. For the in depth story about miscarrying in company with women listen here:

After my miscarriage my cycle returned within 6 weeks and had I not put a halt on getting pregnant until being in New Zealand again I would have become pregnant pretty soon again. In the last few years I have become astute to my body’s symptoms during my cycle and I can tell by the watch when I am ovulating. Hence, on the day I knew ‘it was now or next month’ we conceived Ferment (its current nickname).

Since then I am still researching how to be pregnant with women. It has become clear to me that the nourishment a woman can receive during and after pregnancy is very different when received by a man or a woman. In my case receiving touch from a woman, especially in the first trimester, was soothing, whereas with my partner it often created tension. Almost as if he is not ‘the right frequency’. I have had many structures appear that are ingrained in the cells of my body such as ‘You carry his baby and should be a good partner’ or ‘How come you are losing interest to be intimate with the man you felt so close to weeks ago?’. It takes a lot of my clarity for my own nourishment and space to not get caught in such stories and create with him in the NOW over and over. Letting him know where I am and where I am not. Receiving scrumptious, warming meals by a woman who can create almost a ‘mother-like’ environment also creates relaxation in my body. For example, the other day when I was at the total edge of moving from laying in bed and not knowing what to eat my friend comes and says ‘would you like a fruit salad with yoghurt?’ and my physical body had a direct total YES. ‘Hot chips again?’ - YES. ‘Pasta baked with bolognese and cheese on top?’ - YES. ‘Milk Rice Pudding’ - HELL YES. So the journey goes. Until next time.